Laundry Sucks

I think the title of this post is pretty self-explanatory. Everyone knows that Laundry sucks, and probably all of us can think of several reasons why. I probably don’t have to continue and write a rant about why I hate Laundry and what stupid parts of it I refuse to do. But Laundry is on my mind this morning, so Laundry you shall hear about! For clarity (and to stop everyone from correcting my grammar) let me just state up front that I believe Laundry has a mind, soul and personality of its own, and usually when something has those things, its name becomes a proper noun. Therefore, for the duration of this rant, Laundry will begin with a capital L.

So why do I hate laundry? Probably the first and worst reason is that it’s never done! Even if I have EVERYTHING in the house washed, dried, folded/hung, and put away, the next morning there will be Laundry needing to be done. Even if it’s just a couple pairs of underwear and socks, there’s always SOMETHING there. This probably wouldn’t bother me as much if I kept up with it and could keep an empty hamper for us to put dirty stuff into. But currently, I do NOT keep up with Laundry, so there is never a place to put dirty stuff, and it goes on the floor! I realize as I type this that if I can overcome this and keep my floors (relatively) clear, then Laundry will have a much more difficult time intimidating me.

I hate when things have to be washed a certain way. Things you can’t put in the dryer are possibly the biggest peeve… I don’t have a clothesline, and I don’t plan to ever have one as it will dominate our average-sized backyard. So when I wash a load of things I can’t put in the dryer, they are hung all over the house. In the bathroom, over chairs, over doors, you name it. It’s like an extra step since I have to gather all that stuff up later and put it away. I have been known to get rid of clothes simply because I can’t put them in the dryer, or because I refused to hang them, put them through the dryer, and now┬áno longer fit.

I can’t stand doing socks. This has got to be the stupidest part of Laundry… I think that socks should be manufactured to a universal standard so that they can be simply thrown in a drawer without matching. You would always know that the only factor you have to take into account is color. All your red socks would be the same, all your black socks would be the same. You just pull out two of the same color and go. No more sorting, no more matching, no more throwing out single socks because you haven’t seen their mate in a year. Maybe this could be achieved if I threw out every sock in the house and replaced all of them with 10-12 pairs that are identical for each person. Would it be worth it? Maybe.

Sorting colors is dumb too. I don’t sort colors – if I’ve just bought a new pair of jeans, I will wash them alone ONCE to let them run. Otherwise, everything goes in together. Brights, darks, pastels, I don’t even look. I just throw it all in. If something gets stained from something else, then I get rid of it – obviously I don’t want it if it’s going to make Laundry more difficult. I wash in warm and use the same soap for everything. If the clothes can’t take it, then they don’t belong in my home. The one exception is whites – I OCCASIONALLY wash the whites separately and throw in a little bleach to keep them bright. I won’t even go into dry-cleaning… if it gets wrecked using a Dryel bag, it gets thrown out too. There’s actually a lot of things other people do with their laundry that I refuse to do… sorting colors is just one of them!

Another one is bleaching socks. My husband told me about this – he pointed out that since he moved in with me, his socks are not crisp, beautiful white anymore. Apparently, his mom used to wash the socks separately and bleach them to get them nice and white. I told him in no uncertain terms that I will NOT be doing this. First of all, his white socks don’t make a full load even if EVERY LAST ONE is dirty, and partial loads are another Laundry peeve I have. They’re wasteful. Maybe not wasteful of water, but definitely wasteful of electricity. Secondly, if you have to bleach something after EVERY TIME you wear it, maybe it’s time to not buy it in white! I buy only black, patterned or colored socks, for this exact reason. Eventually, his socks will all be black or colored as well. White socks are ugly anyway.

Sorting TOWELS and washing them with any kind of care is one of the SILLIEST things I’ve ever heard of. I’ve heard several people say that they don’t like faded or stained towels. This is ridiculous. We go through towels like water, and I will not develop a system just for washing my towels without fading or staining them. I wash towels (along with underwear and socks) in HOT water. This is so that any germs or mildew that might be on them will be dead and gone. Yes, washing in hot all the time fades them. To me, a faded towel is a CLEAN towel. I have dark-colored ones that I put out for people I like, they don’t show stains and don’t look that bad when they fade. For the most part, I don’t care. Did the towel dry your hands properly? Then I don’t care what the color looks like.

Folding underwear is another thing I refuse to do. You have a drawer or bin for your underwear. When you wear it, it goes inside all your other clothes. NO ONE CAN SEE IT. So why would you care if it’s faded, discolored, or WRINKLED as long as it fits right and is comfortable? Cotton underwear never gets wrinkled anyway, and if you want to wear underwear that isn’t cotton, that’s between you and your sweaty genitals. I sort out our clean cotton underwear and I shove it haphazardly into the drawer. As long as we both HAVE clean underwear we’re happy. My one exception is bras – I am willing to fold something I spend 50 bucks apiece on. If I spent that kind of money on underwear, I might be willing to fold it… then again, if I HAD that kind of money for underwear, I could just PAY someone to fold it – and all my other Laundry. Wouldn’t that be heavenly…

All of this being said, I guess Laundry isn’t too bad as long as you don’t LET it be. I set my boundaries. Towels, underwear and socks get washed in HOT water. I don’t bleach socks. I don’t sort colors. I don’t fold underwear. I don’t dry-clean. If something can’t handle my simplified Laundry routine, then I don’t want it in my home! Laundry is my arch-nemesis, and I must deal with it in the way that works best for ME (it’s not like anyone else is going to do it).

All this being said, Laundry and I have reached a precarious treaty this week. I have agreed to (a) wash, dry, fold/hang, and PUT AWAY one (1) load of Laundry each morning and (b) pick up anything from the floor that’s clean enough to be worn again and put it away, each morning. In return, Laundry has agreed to (a) not pile up and (b) not expect things from me that are unrealistic, like catering to prissy laundry rules. I guess this will be part of my Morning Routine A-LA-the FlyLady.

I think that if I hold up my end of the treaty, it could work out for the best – for me, my honey, my family and my own sanity. I have upheld my side for one day so far. Whether I CAN and WILL continue… remains to be seen.

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